A Tiny Little Wee Portion Of The Doctoring The English

my response to bombay addict's contest:

(Imagined response by a man to a shaadi.com posting.)

Hellow sweet Ms. Preeti,

Myself called as Raju, my pleasher to meet u. I am reading ur ad on the shaadi.com and getting very exited. U are matching all my martial needs. Also many other sweet pretty girls are not answering the my mails so I am having high hopes in your situation as I am only wanting girls of good background and pure culture only. Also on top of that ur good looks are very sweet and beautiful. Ur the wheatish complection is very nice nad sweet.

I am now wanting to make the frandship with u and soon after be making u my first and only wife as per proper Hindu customs and good Indian culture, and also I am hoping to be having many children soon soon. Myself MBA pass, having good features and decent family, vegetarian 54 170 carrier oriented. And nowadays so many girls are wanting such boys of more better quality no? I sure u will like me.

So following that please to be reverting at ur earliest convenience Preeti. My esteemed fly will be waiting impatiently to meet u. My email id is shahrukh_lower_420@hotmail.com. Please Preeti u are my last hope u must write back or I will suicide maa kasam I'm telling u now only for once and all I cant sleep in the night I am spending very much time in deep sadeness and wanting good wife and good life. So please respond.

Regards
Raju

(this post was not inspired by: a. my own sketchtastic online encounters with indian men purporting to be my raj; b. mangled letters to agony aunt columns in leading bombay newspapers; c. men named raju with whom i was supposed to go on blind dates. oh, no. not at all. i wouldn't poke fun at those things/people online. never ever. *giggle*)