Barbie Girl

of course, noone can ever match aishwarya rai in dhoom:2, but i feel like, for me, i'm coming pretty close. guys get to just shower, shave, throw on some clothes, spritz on some cologne, and leave, but it's unbelievable all the stuff women go put themselves through before they step out for the evening, come november-december.

- pick out clothes, jewellery, shoes and accessories well in advance (and discuss them endlessly with worried mother)
- go shopping, find nothing satisfactory
- go shopping again
- return first-round purchases in deference to secound-round purchases
- call tailor, send outfit out to get stitched (embroidery, badla-work, etc sold separately)
- haggle over outfit delivery date ("nahin, nahin, raju bhai, aise kaise kaam chalega, pehenneka hai, humko parsonh hi mangta hai!")
- briefly wonder why all tailors seem to be called raju, chhotu, or the entirely-ambiguous "master-ji"
- pedicure
- manicure (although i confess that i'm saved from that fate, because i have no nails to speak of)
- facial
- wax arms, legs, underarms, and assorted parts of face and body as necessary
- pluck/thread eyebrows
- thread upper lip
- cry from pain of threading
- bleach face, stomach, back for the purposes of photogenic-ness and small purple/blue/pink choli du jour
- call the tailor to say it's T-3 and where the hell does he think he is?
- pensive 20-minute shower
- wash, dry, and straighten hair
- try on outfit that has finally arrived, huff in dismay that "this was bound to happen", give back to tailor who sits in poor light near kitchen and makes last-minute adjustments to outfit, inevitably muttering under his breath that he should have stayed in the gaav
- use assorted gels, lotions, creams, during and after bath for smooth skin and glowing face
- struggle into clothes, stare at mirror critically, wonder where that extra weight suddenly came from
- apply makeup
- stare at mirror haplessly, tell family to wait, more prep time is needed
- hack at eyebrows which have somehow grown asymmetrical in the last 8.5 hours
- make sure earrings have backs well-attached to prevent slippage
- change outfit choices at last minute (if out of town, wish desperately for items that cannot possibly be delivered before the function begins, even by hanuman) and repeat as many of the steps above as are necessary
- stare at mirror disconsolately
- viciously jab at forehead with bindi
- totter out the door in heels
- run back up to collect forgotten item (cell phone, watch, house keys, or similar) while liftman waits, inevitably muttering under his breath that he should have stayed in the gaav
- plaster fake smile on face for camera
- repeat through february